I'm A Broody Broad.

Here I am again. I’ve become inspired to update my blog while reading other’s. One post that really rocked my world this morning was Christine Kane’s blog. I stumbled on it from Cast-On. I’m new to Brenda’s site, but I’ve been listening to her podcasts for quite a while now. I started with #1 and am finally up to #69. Anyway, now I’m a Christine Kane fan. You’ve got to watch the videos on her site, especially the one called “There’s No Such Thing As A Girl Like That.” It just cracked me up. Here, in case you just want to see that one:

The reason Christine’s post spoke to me this morning is because I’ve been feeling really broody lately. More than lately, I’m a broody broad. They used to say that about me when I was 5 or so. I don’t suppose it could be that I’m naturally shy and my parents were always fighting and I probably saw and heard more than a small child should. In my 40’s I’ve learned not to be so moody. Dennis Prager helped with that. His Happiness Hour on Fridays is always a must listen for me.

I keep digressing. I have been feeling like I don’t know what to do with my life. I’ve been drifting. See, DH and I have had our own business for 25 years. I haven’t had a “real” job (meaning corporate) for that long. I’ve made it up as I went, using the skills a 20 something had learned from Accounting I and working as a clerk in an insurance company. I learned to be good at customer service, (the customer is always…..?) I learned how to do craft services (we had a video company), I’m a real good go-fer, (I really resent that one, but who else would do it?) receptionist, (don’t call me if you’re a telemarketer!) dabbled in marketing, shipping clerk, and of course CFO. I was a boss once. I wasn’t good at it. Not a good delegator.

We closed the video-for-hire side of our business probably about 10 years ago and were left with our product line of instructional videos. About 5 years ago, that started to fail. This was also about the time that our children were ready to fly on their own. God is good! He sustained us for all those years, got us through raising 3 kids and then He said it’s time for something new. Only we didn’t listen right away. We kept slogging along until our lease on the building was up and we decided to move the business home. Now our offices are in the bedrooms our kids used to occupy. There’s still an empty room which is becoming a catch all. It has been available for the rebounders, but I think they are finally done with that. The garage is packed with outdated video gear, and tape, remnants of a past life. DH never was that interested in the instructional video stuff we did. We did another couple of videos and then he decided that he needed to get a job. He now works for the company that we did the videos for. The videos are on their software product. He seems to like what he’s doing most of the time. It’s like production for him again. Me, I’m just dealing with the remnants of this company, shipping orders when they come in and getting depressed when they don’t. My days have become less about business and more about wasting time. My thought process is why promote a business that doesn’t put out new product? It’s not evergreen. The stuff is getting old. We should just stop, but I haven’t wanted to let go either. If I get a sale or two why stop? Probably dumb. I guess I like self flaggelation. It really would take the two of us getting our heads together and saying, “This is it. We’re done. It’s over.” Oh, that makes me want to cry. I’m tearing up right now.

So I’ve got to move on. I’ve been brooding about this for too long. It’s time to move. One of the things I learned along the way is how to make a web site. I’ve been doing that since somewhere around 1994. Unfortunately, I really only know how to hand code stuff. That takes a long time, but I love it. I also know that I need to get up to speed on the newest ways to do stuff. I used to try WYSIWYG programs but they always messed up my shopping cart. I haven’t tried one in years. Lately, I,ve been working on a site for R-Ranch, which we are members of. When they ask me to update the pictures it it tedious and painful. The guy who started the site used some template that I am unaware of and I got into it and figured out how to add a few pics. Last time there were 50 or more and I decided that there has got to be a better way.

I know that I could learn from the internet or reading books, but I have tried and I’m not very diciplined. I always want to jump ahead. So I decided that I will go back to school. There’s some more brooding attached to that. I’m old now. I know some stuff. Will I be wasting my time? Do I really need to get a degree? I’d like one but it’s a big time investment. I need to get a job. I need to pay for my knitting habit. On and on and on….

Last week I had a dream about this that said I should sign up for 2 classes, one online and one on campus. So I did. It’s only 4 units. Maybe I should sign up for more. The classes are filling up. On and on and on…..

Nope, stick to the 2 and see how it goes. Then next semester you will be in and can get the times and classes you want. Ramp it up, girl. Dip your toe in the water and see if you like it. Big sigh. Ok.

If anyone is actually reading this I hope you don’t mind all the ranting. It’s hard to let my underwear show, but I guess I need this. This blog was only supposed to be about knitting, but I need to let off a little steam now and then.

I’d love to have a job where I knit all day, but that’s not likely to happen. 😉

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